guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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