too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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