and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
