I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
