Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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