a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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