Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
