We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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