Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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