the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cut my penus on the lid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
