Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What a dumb baby whore.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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