2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
