a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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