If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
