Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm passing your future prison.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
