dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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