Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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