I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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