I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
