P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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