she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
