I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
