after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
