i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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