I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i will never coherently bang her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
