There was a lot of him and a little penis
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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