And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
