the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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