Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
