She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
