The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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