At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize