Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
