I need help removing her.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
