Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize