you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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