i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
