The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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