She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
