I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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