omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
