I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
