Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone

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(909): View more from California

Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.

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(410): View more from Maryland

what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

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(209): View more from California

His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

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(916): View more from California

Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.

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(720): View more from Colorado

That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer

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(360): View more from Washington

Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.

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(805): View more from California

Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.

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