im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
