I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
