my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
