dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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