I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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