I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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