So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize