I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
