I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
