I want to walk on stilts...naked
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
