i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
