I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
