nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
