There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
