I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
