We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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