How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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