if i can run in heels then i can drive
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
