all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
