Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
