Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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