I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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