I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
