I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
